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Great Communicators Think Differently

Your elders were right; you've got to think before you speak to avoid miscommunication. This article shows you how being a great communicator happens when you learn to 'think' before you speak.

T= truthful Think facts vs. opinions, because opinions put others on the defense.

In a typical day at your office, who do you meet?

• The pessimist: "Nothing will ever work!"
• The procrastinator: "I've got a lot going on."
• The chatty Cathy: "This one time... at band camp..."
• The manipulator: "You look nice; will you do me a favor?"
• The egotist: "I know all that already!"
• The pushover: "Whatever you think is best."
• The victim: "Why me?"

How many times have you said something to one of these people about their problem and later regretted it? An even more upsetting fact is some of these people don't seem to know they have a problem.

To communicate effectively, you need to think differently. Remove the label and focus on the observable facts. What do these people say? What actions do they take? When you focus on the facts of the situation rather than generalize, you're more likely to avoid miscommunication.

H=helpful Think good direction vs. bad advice, because people are best at solving their own problems.

Have you ever told someone the answer to a problem and then watched as he/she did the opposite? Human beings subconsciously resist advice because they don't like to admit "I can't handle it."

Instead of thinking how you can solve others' problems, think how you can lead them to a solution. Some examples of helpful statements are:

1. What is the worse case scenario?

2. What could you do to solve this?

2a. If you did that, what might happen?

2b. What's in the way of doing that?

3. How would you feel if you did nothing?

4. What is your end goal?

5. What resources could you call on to help you solve this?

To direct people, use a combination of: the above questions, more questions related to the individual's issue, paraphrasing, and repeating back. You'll be amazed at how helpful you can be without giving advice!

I=inspirational Think affirmation of potential vs. criticism, because people need inspiration to improve and develop.

Have you ever been in a restaurant or store and watched a manager criticize an employee? You can literally see the physical toll of the scolding as the employee sulks away. What is that employee likely to do next?

a. go make a plan for personal development

b. go lick his/her wounds: sulk, complain, resist, justify, etc.

If you're the manager, what action do you want the employee to take? To get answer ‘b', you'll need to think that you're inspirational. Think of what you can say that would inspire someone to achieve his/her potential. Here are a few examples:

1. Your normal output is double. How can I support you in achieving that today?

2. ‘Individual's strength' is a strength for you. I've come to expect it when you're here. What can I do to remove any obstacles?

3. I know you pride yourself on ‘individual's value'; let's not cry over spilt milk. Let's focus on moving forward.

4. I know you're experiencing some set-back or conflict. Let's look at the end goal and focus on what's working.

5. Proactive people bring their own weather with them. Where can you get some sunshine?

When you lift people up with your expectations, they want to rise up to meet them.

N=Necessary Think mountains vs. molehills, because you can't sweat the small stuff.

You know the term, "I can't see the forest for the trees"? When you focus on minutia, your communication will often be negative and too frequent.

Instead of letting your mind dwell on all the little things that will go wrong in a day, train your brain to focus on the big things that need change. Great communicators see assets instead of deficits. Here are a few examples:

K=Kind Think I intend to lift vs. I intend to hurt, because hurting others only hurts you too.

Have you ever been sarcastic? The word originates from a Greek work that means the tearing of flesh. And that's the impact of it. When I use the think formula, it's often sarcasm that gets eliminated. The other day I used it on a flight attendant who was complaining to her coworkers and passengers throughout the flight. As I left the plane, I said, "I wish people would quit if they don't like their job." You can imagine the look of surprise on her face. Her surprise plus the reactions of the other passengers made me wish I had thought before I spoke.

When I'm not kind to others, it impacts me. My ineffective communication made the situation worse. What I could have said instead was, "I know it's frustrating to cope with all the changes of airplanes. When passengers hear you complain, it creates an uncomfortable experience. One way to keep a good attitude is to focus on doing the best job you can. The appreciation you'll get from your passengers may make you forget all your troubles."

Copyright 2007, develup

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