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SSS the
Should/Shouldn't Syndrome
Have you ever been stressed or frustrated?
Do you ever feel hopeless or guilty? Do you sometimes think
“why bother”? Have you ever been smiling on the
outside while plotting a war on the inside? If you answered yes to any
(or all) of these questions, you may be suffering from SSS
(should/shouldn't syndrome)?
SSS is the condition when you believe
someone should or shouldn't act in a certain way. Each year, SSS is
known to cause irrational and sometimes emotional behavior in millions
of otherwise healthy people. SSS is easy to treat once it's diagnosed.
See if you can diagnose the SSS in the following case study.
Victoria has been working for 1.5 years for
Joe who is a busy vp. Victoria deals with Joe mostly by email and phone
because Joe is usually out of the office. Victoria takes pride in her
work, and she regularly stays late to finish tasks that Joe needs for
the next day. The only recognition Joe has ever given Victoria is a
flower bouquet on assistant's day. His emails and messages don't
include "please" and "thank you," just "do this by..." So far, Victoria
has complained to her friends and family, but not to Joe. She is
starting to look for a new job because she is so miserable.
Can you spot the SSS?
1. What should or shouldn't is Victoria
suffering from?
2. What symptoms is Victoria experiencing?
3. What treatment would you recommend to
Victoria?
See if your diagnosis matches the one
Victoria got from her coach at develup.
1. Victoria suffers from "my boss should
appreciate me and say please/thank you."
2. Victoria's symptoms are: stress, hurt,
frustration, and hopelessness.
3. Victoria's treatment was:
| a. |
Make a choice
about staying or going and make a list of specific measurable ways for
Joe to give appreciation |
| b. |
Write a script
to use with Joe asking for what she wants (she chose to stay) |
| c. |
Practice the
script with a buddy and in the mirror |
| d. |
Set an
appointment with Joe sometime after lunch |
| e. |
Prepare a list
of up to 7 tasks she wished she was appreciated for and a list of up to
7 ways for Joe to do the appreciating |
| f. |
Talk to Joe |
| g. |
Reward Joe
whenever he appreciates her by thanking him for being a great boss |
See if you can spot Tom's SSS.
Tom is a successful outside sales
representative. His territory is about 50 square miles, so Tom is out
the door by 8 to start his rounds. Each day Tom returns home around
7, starts snapping at his wife and is short with his kids.
All Tom can talk about are the countless idiot drivers. His top
complaints are people who drive slow in the fast lane and people
holding their cell phones while driving. Because Tom's territory is in
a sprawling city with many highways, he sits in traffic for 1/3 of his
day. Last week Tom saw his doctor; Tom has high blood pressure, an
ulcer, and frequent headaches.
1. What should or shouldn't is Tom
suffering from?
2. What symptoms is Tom experiencing?
3. What treatment would you recommend to
Tom?
Tom's coach at develup prescribed the
following.
1. Tom suffers from "people should learn
how to drive: move out of fast lane and get a headset for their phones.
2. Tom's symptoms are anger, stress,
passive-aggressive behavior, and fatigue (plus the physiological
symptoms).
3. Any outcome in life is the combination
of 2 factors: circumstance and reaction to circumstance. Tom has 2
choices, he can change the circumstance, or change his reaction to it.
Since changing the circumstance would require a move to a new city or
job, Tom chose option b. To help him succeed, Tom’s coach at develop
suggests the following treatment plan:
| a. |
Purchase
entertaining and educational audio programs to listen to in the car |
| b. |
Set-up a
portable filing system to file paperwork when stopped in traffic which
saves him time later |
| c. |
Purchase a
quality map or GPS (global positioning system) to find new routes when
accidents occur. Use internet software (randmcnally.com) to plot
appointments allowing minimum drive time as much as possible |
| d. |
Have wife and
children write notes to Tom saying, “We love a happy
daddy!” Keep notes in the glove box for inspiration |
| e. |
Pack workout
clothes and use gym membership during the day to blow off steam |
| f. |
To provide
motivation for staying on track, stop at a pharmacy and check blood
pressure when he feels he’s being caught in the reaction |
| g. |
Celebrate with
family and friends when he makes progress |
Copyright 2006, develup
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